The Perfect Mothers Day

Ahhhhhh.... Mothers Day. The day of the year when the family pays respect and gratitude to mother of the house by giving her breakfast in bed, presents and hugs and kisses. The perfect mothers day goes something like this. You wake up early and as the dew on the grass is just burning off, you start to make a divine breakfast for your mom and with your little brothers help and cooperation(say your dad is at work), you manage to create a platter worthy of the Gods. You come in your mom's room and lightly wake her. You give her her food and start eating your measly toast. You do this to tell her that she's so special that you do not deserve to eat her food, but she shares with you and your brother anyway. Then, when done with your food, you go on to the presents. A romantic card from dad, and a silly card with cute dogs on the front expressing your love for your mom. The main present is something like a pretty necklace or some expensive soap. She then tries to get up to go do some laundry or dishes and you tell her to do what she wants, it's her day. All day you and your sibling try to make it the best day for her and do pretty well. Your dad comes home and mom goes to bed three hours early. The day ends with you tucking her in and going to clean up dinner and finally at ten o'clock your tired and go to bed. To sum it up a perfect mothers day should looks like this below.

 Then of course, there is a realistic mothers day. A realistic mothers day starts with you forgetting to set your alarm clock and waking up at 8:00 instead of 6:00. You come out to your mom sitting on the couch playing with her phone. You say "go to bed please", almost irritated. She says " Okay, one second" paying no attention to you. At 8:20 you finally get her into bed and start to wake up your brother. At 8:45 you start to make the eggs and then put the bagels in the toaster. Your brother who is getting bored sitting there watching you cook breakfast, says he wants to watch TV. You fight about it for a few minutes and finally he wins and your putting on Tom & Jerry when you smell something that smell like eggs. Eggs. Hmm- what could tha... EGGS!!!!! You jump up and run to the stove and frantically take the eggs and throw the in the trash. It's 9:00 o'clock now and you have the burned bagels slathered with cream cheese to stunt the...burntness. So now you have to get the eggs and cook others but, of course, there are no more eggs so, you start fishing in the trash can and eventually find them and start washing them in the sink. The only thing that goes right is cutting the grapefruit which, in the feeling that you have triumphed over the breakfast, you finally peel your brother away from the TV and bring the breakfast to your mom. She says "Oh...ummmm... thank you boys, I love you". She then eats some grapefruit and puts the plate on her bedside table. She gets up and you try to tell her to stop, but your brother quickly shakes his head at you behind her back and you say "Forget it". So the rest of the day is basically were you try to help your mom as much as you can, but end up playing a video game instead. The day ends with your mom agitatedly saying "You know, just go to bed." and you go to bed at 7:30. This is a realistic Mothers Day. Here's a summed up picture.

Oh well, it's just the laws of boyhood doing their natural functions, I always say.